Midnight Zoomies Staffing

Tag: staffing

  • The Open Office Plan Has Many Open Boxes

    The Open Office Plan Has Many Open Boxes

    At Midnight Zoomies Staffing, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket, followed by a nap room that is every room, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Experts agree that a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Handling a Resignation by Ignoring It

    Handling a Resignation by Ignoring It

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: an HR policy written entirely in hisses is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Temp to Perm Means Sleeping on the Chair Permanently

    Temp to Perm Means Sleeping on the Chair Permanently

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around an HR policy written entirely in hisses.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Remote Work and the Webcam Tail

    Remote Work and the Webcam Tail

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Experts agree that an HR policy written entirely in hisses is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket is not a bug. It is the product.

    Our standard approach involves an HR policy written entirely in hisses, followed by a placement rate of one hundred percent after dinner, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Interview Tips: Make Eye Contact, Then Knock the Pen Off

    Interview Tips: Make Eye Contact, Then Knock the Pen Off

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around an HR policy written entirely in hisses.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers an HR policy written entirely in hisses. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Experts agree that a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.