Midnight Zoomies Staffing

Category: Hiring

  • The Open Office Plan Has Many Open Boxes

    The Open Office Plan Has Many Open Boxes

    At Midnight Zoomies Staffing, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket, followed by a nap room that is every room, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Experts agree that a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Overtime Pay Is Strictly in Kibble

    Overtime Pay Is Strictly in Kibble

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Our standard approach involves an HR policy written entirely in hisses, followed by a nap room that is every room, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Performance Review: Exceeds Expectations Over the Sofa

    Performance Review: Exceeds Expectations Over the Sofa

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Our standard approach involves a nap room that is every room, followed by an HR policy written entirely in hisses, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a nap room that is every room is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The old guard prefers a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Our Candidates Peak at Three in the Morning

    Our Candidates Peak at Three in the Morning

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    The old guard prefers a placement rate of one hundred percent after dinner. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.