Midnight Zoomies Staffing

Category: Careers

  • Handling a Resignation by Ignoring It

    Handling a Resignation by Ignoring It

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: an HR policy written entirely in hisses is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • How to Hire for Culture Fit and Fur Fit

    How to Hire for Culture Fit and Fur Fit

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    The old guard prefers an HR policy written entirely in hisses. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Onboarding Is Mostly Running Down the Hallway

    Onboarding Is Mostly Running Down the Hallway

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Our standard approach involves a talent pool that is mostly a laundry basket, followed by an HR policy written entirely in hisses, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a placement rate of one hundred percent after dinner. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.